About Leanne

My name is Leanne.

I am very fortunate to come from a very close and loving family of four. 

I am a sibling, my one and only brother, is Tyrone. He is 5 years and 7 months older than me. 

On the 22nd of October 2017, my world changed forever, I didn't die, but a part of me did. My brother was ripped out of my life in an extremely traumatic way. 

        (One day I'll explain the details, until then I will fight for his justice in court)

I lost so much more than my big brother.

I lost my past, my present and my future...

I lost my first friend and my ultimate best friend... 

...we always had the best times together.

I lost my protector...

...he was my personal body guard, if anyone tried to make my life difficult he would always step in and guarded me. 

I lost the first guy that showed me love...

...and proved it daily by the way he loved me and others. When he loved a girl, he would be completely invested in her. He showed me how a man should treat a women, he made sure I knew that good men are out there and his sister deserves nothing but the best.

I lost my mentor and my hero...

...I looked up to my big brother more than I think he realised. He always treated me like I was the smarter one in the family. Everything in life, I only ever did with his opinion and approval, I valued his opinion more than most. 

I know many siblings will say this... 

People closest to us have constantly told me or my parents that they have never seen two siblings so close and loving towards each other...

"My soulmate is my brother. He's my best friend and I can't imagine life without him. Soulmates aren't always lovers, they're partners in life"

Even though I live this sad life without him I still can't imagine another day without him, he is the exact opposite of me. We came from the same two people, shared the same morals. We shared a language that no one else does.

Inside jokes are no longer felt and shared they are now only expressed from one side...

...this is probably one of the hardest realities I had to come to terms with.

Sibling grief is something extremely overlooked. 
Survivals guilt is a complete reality that bereaved siblings experience on a daily basis on this journey. In general people are not really concerned how we feeling, as we are overlooked and we are always seen as the rock of the family keeping the pieces together and in place. 

After doing my honours thesis on 'design for death' and all the research that it entailed, I found that there is very little research for bereaved siblings. 

I want to use my experience to reach out to other bereaved siblings in this blog and share a huge part of me emotionally so they know they are not alone and that there are people feeling similar pain that they can talk to and lean on. I would love for this blog to become a support platform for bereaved siblings to be able to openly express themselves. 

I am a very reserved person when it comes to my deepest feelings and I hardly express my feelings. Those closest to me, including my husband and parents, hardly ever know how I am really feeling.

I keep everything to myself and try not to show my pain because I am too scared of pushing those closest to me away. 

I have already lost so many friends and family, which I have learnt is the reality of grief. 

This blog is a way for me express myself, be vulnerable and true with my pain and grief, in order to heal as well as be a voice for others in similar situations. I want to help bereaved siblings starting this journey, when I first became a bereaved sibling I looked everywhere for answers and help from others similar to me. 

I needed that help, to know that I can somehow and some way get through this and that I wasn't alone. I never had that from the beginning and I really hope to be that to others out there feeling what I am feeling.