When Grief and Friendship Collide

Grief is an incredibly lonely experience. Even when you’re surrounded by love and support, there’s a part of it that you go through entirely on your own. Still, having a support system during that time matters more than words can explain. Without it, the emptiness of grief becomes even heavier.

I’ve been lucky in many ways. I’ve had friends and family walk beside me during some of my darkest moments, and for that, I am endlessly grateful.

One person, in particular, was a great support. She was more than a best friend she was my soul sister. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for her. She loved me, but more than that, she loved my brother and through her love for him, I felt closer to him. It was a connection that comforted me, a way of keeping him alive through shared memories and unspoken understanding.

In losing him, I found her a gift I thought would remain constant in my life. But sometimes life has a way of changing your plans without asking permission.

Losing a friend while still grieving the loss of a loved one is a deeply layered kind of pain. It’s complicated, messy, and heavy. You never think a friendship that strong, that sacred, will come to an end. Romantic breakups, at some level, we brace ourselves for. But friendship breakups? They hit differently. You pour your heart and soul into a friend. You trust, you share, you build this safe emotional space and then suddenly, they’re gone. Like you never existed in their world at all.

I’ll be honest: I didn’t see it coming. I thought that friendship was a safe place for my rawest emotions, a space where I could speak openly about the things that weighed on my heart. However, I expressed my pain in the wrong way. I see that now. The very feelings I thought I was safe to share ended up hurting someone I deeply cared for.

Do I wish I had handled things differently? Absolutely. I wish I had been gentler in how I expressed myself. I never intended for my pain to cause pain to someone else. I thought I was being honest, respectful and direct but what one does and how it is taken can be very contradictory  

You can love someone with your whole heart, but if they don’t feel the same depth of connection or if they don’t feel secure in the friendship the way you do it’s a recipe for heartbreak. Even though I still have nothing but love for her, I’ve reached a point in my life where I need to protect my peace. My mental well-being doesn’t just affect me anymore. It affects my baby. And she deserves a whole mother not one who’s constantly piecing herself together.

Sometimes people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I truly hoped she would be a lifetime. Even though our season ended sooner than I imagined, I’m still thankful for what we shared. I’ll carry it with me always.

Maybe our paths will cross again someday. Maybe they won’t. But for now, I choose peace for me, my family and for the little life depending on me.