A Siblings Grief

Grief is an incredibly lonely experience. Even when you’re surrounded by love and support, there’s a part of it that you go through entirely on your own. Still, having a support system during that time matters more than words can explain. Without it, the emptiness of grief becomes even heavier. I’ve been lucky in many ways. I’ve had friends and family walk beside me during some of my darkest moments, and for that, I am endlessly grateful. One person, in particular, was a great support. She was more than a best friend she was my soul sister. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t have done for her. She loved me, but more than that, she loved my brother and through her love for him, I felt closer to him. It was a connection that comforted me, a way of keeping him alive through shared memories and unspoken understanding. In losing him, I found her a gift I thought would remain constant in my life. But sometimes life has a way of changing your plans without asking permission. Losing a f...

 Can you just imagine that...  Your boyfriend at the time, a couple weeks after the tragic incident, see's a message you send one of your brothers best friends where you wished it was him instead of your brother?  ... he still stayed, loved me and supported me through it every single day.  My parents don't know I know this but my boyfriend told me my dad phoned him and spoke to him for 2 hours after finding out what happened. I am so grateful that in my fathers absolute worst time he still thought about me and tried all he could to 'fix' what I said.  I started writing this blog post in 2020, but I have been so scared to finish it and share it with the world. How horrible can I be to wish my boyfriend died instead of my brother, so instead I put it off, but I think it's about time I share this story. To show my other fellow bereaved siblings that you are not a terrible person for having thoughts as dark as this. Also to show you that there are people in your lif...

I am an expert in sibling grief. Not because I'm a psychologist who specialise in grief. I am an expert because grieving my sibling is the life I live and his death has had a large impact on my life.  The hardest thing about being a silent griever... 1. Bereaved siblings are misunderstood. We are miss understood by all the people in our lives; parents, families, friends, partners, etc. So much focus is given to the parents of the dead child, the spouse or children of the dead adult child. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying they shouldn't have this support, but what about the siblings? Feeling lonely in our grief comes from being misunderstood. For me and many other bereaved siblings that I have met the hardest part of trying to grief is the fact that we get no real support from those around us, instead we mainly get... "How's your mom doing?" "Your parents must be a mess." "I can't imagine the pain your parents must be in." Like some...

"Is like living two lives. One where you 'pretend' everything is alright, and the other is where your heart silently screams in pain" Unknown Author We show you want we want you to see... If you look a little closer you will see a girl broken that spends most nights locked in her room, crying herself to sleep wishing the pain would go away, wondering how much more she can take before she can't hold on anymore.     We do this so we don't loose you... If we had to express how we really felt, it might push you away. It might make you think that we stuck and we are just consumed in negative energy. Grief is lonely enough as it is so we mask our real feelings so that you don't run away from us, because the truth is you don't know what to say to help us and we don't want you to say anything because nothing you say is going to make us feel better.  "My worst nightmare is my reality...  And there is nothing that can wake me up." Sandra Three yea...