A Siblings Grief

Thirty WON They say your thirties are your best years, w hen I crossed the threshold into 30 last year, it was supposed to be a massive milestone. The truth I kept hidden from almost everyone was that I was profoundly not okay.  I was lost in the suffocating depths of postpartum depression. It broke me in ways I never knew how to articulate, shattering my confidence as a person, a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a mother. I was drowning, gasping for air, just trying to hold onto whatever fragments of myself I could. In my desperate attempt to be the absolute best mom, I completely forgot that I was also living this life for the very first time.  My postpartum journey wasn't just hormonal. It overflowed with the heavy, suppressed grief of losing my brother, a grief that clashed with the overwhelming newness of motherhood and tried with everything it had to steal my life. I crashed hard! Although when you hit the absolute bottom, you are faced with a choice. I had to stand up. I...

If I had to describe 2025 in one word, it would be wild. On one hand, it held the purest happiness I have ever known because my daughter was finally in my life. Being her mom became my soul’s purpose, and I loved every single second of it. However, in the same breath, it was the hardest year of my life. Grief hit me like a tidal wave. I watched my daughter change everyone’s lives, but the one person who should have been there, my brother, wasn’t! I became so angry with the world. I felt like he was robbed from my life, and that my daughter was robbed of the life she should have had with her uncle. It was a year of extreme highs and terrifying lows. Here is the truth about my journey through the darkness, and how I found the light. By December 2024, I had hit an all-time low. I found myself resenting the people closest to me, even my husband. It wasn’t a lack of love; it was a deep feeling of unfairness. Everything in our lives had changed to revolve around the baby, but it felt like my...