Thirty WON

Thirty WON

They say your thirties are your best years, when I crossed the threshold into 30 last year, it was supposed to be a massive milestone. The truth I kept hidden from almost everyone was that I was profoundly not okay. 

I was lost in the suffocating depths of postpartum depression. It broke me in ways I never knew how to articulate, shattering my confidence as a person, a wife, a sister, a daughter, and a mother.

I was drowning, gasping for air, just trying to hold onto whatever fragments of myself I could. In my desperate attempt to be the absolute best mom, I completely forgot that I was also living this life for the very first time. 

My postpartum journey wasn't just hormonal. It overflowed with the heavy, suppressed grief of losing my brother, a grief that clashed with the overwhelming newness of motherhood and tried with everything it had to steal my life.

I crashed hard! Although when you hit the absolute bottom, you are faced with a choice. I had to stand up. I had to face my pain. I had to fight through the darkness! Not just for me, but for the little girl who watches my every move and learns how to navigate this world through me.

My daughter, defines every single fiber of who I am today. Being her mother is my whole personality and I’m totally okay with that! I love her with a depth that is impossible to explain to anyone who hasn't held a child of their own. Watching my parents mourn their son has given me a profound, heartbreaking understanding of just how incredibly blessed I am to have her. She saved me! She is the reason I fought my way out of the dark, and she is the reason I do absolutely everything in this life. I will fight through anything for her, because she deserves the world.

When I finally made the conscious decision to fight back and take my life into my own hands, everything began to shift. I joined a gym to reclaim my physical strength, and to date, I’ve lost 14kgs. I still have 10kgs to go, but every single day is a day closer to that goal. I’ve learnt that my weight will be something I forever work hard on in this life. It’s not a fight anymore, it’s just my life! I have to make sure I don’t teach my daughter to hate what she sees in a mirror the way I have for so many years. 

While the gym helped rebuild my body, my spirit was rescued on Saturday mornings. Joining our weekly Sip & Stride meetups became my sanctuary. It was there that I met some of the most beautiful, kindest girls I know, like-minded women walking through life side-by-side. 

They saved me without even knowing it, showing me that I deserved love and was worth so much more than my darkest thoughts led me to believe. 

They taught me how to love myself, so that Ava will never have to learn how to hate herself.

Finding this new community was a beautiful gift, but it only added to the incredibly strong, unshakeable foundation of love that has carried me my entire life. I stand tall today because I am held up by a continuous, unwavering support system. My lifelong friends, my beautiful family, the steadfast village who knew me long before the darkness and loved me right through it. I don't take a single one of them for granted. To my two closest friends who knew my secret and struggle, who saw the darkness and actively held my head above water side-by-side in motherhood, they have been my ultimate village.

This year of rebuilding also meant navigating missing my best friend and cousin, who immigrated to the Netherlands. We have always lived life side-by-side, and suddenly, we were worlds apart. One of the absolute greatest "wins" I am celebrating right now is knowing that in just over a month, we will finally be reunited. We are climbing on a plane as a family. To experience this massive milestone alongside my daughter’s very first overseas trip, first flight, first time at an ocean and so many more firsts. It fills me with an excitement I can't even describe. I simply cannot wait to hold her in the biggest hug.

Through every high and low, my husband has been my absolute anchor. He watched me fall, break, and slowly rebuild, and he has been there every single day as the living, breathing definition of "for better or worse." 

He is my best friend, my confidant, my true love. My heart is completely full every night when we sit together at the end of the day, knowing Ava is safe, sound, and asleep. 

He works so incredibly hard to give us everything we could ever need, and I am so deeply proud of how far he has come this year. In our house, our victories are always jointly celebrated.

I have also realised something vital this year. There are people I no longer have in my life, and doors that have closed that I once truly wished never did. I now understand that those doors needed to close to put me exactly where I am right now.

Where I am right now is in a space where I feel so hugely blessed. I am overwhelmed with the amount of love in my life today. I am humbled, and I am filled to the absolute brim with profound gratitude for everyone who supports me and actively helps me grow both personally and professionally.

My professional life has been touched by this exact same light. Forget Me Not has grown beyond my wildest dreams. Winning the LUXlife Client Satisfaction Excellence Award, being named Best Keepsake Preservation Company of 2026, reaching 3,000 followers, and physically converting our garage into a beautiful new studio space, none of it would be possible without my parents.

People always say they hope to give their children more than they had growing up. Honestly, I just work hard to give Ava everything my parents gave me. They set the standard so incredibly high, and my biggest dream is to be even half the parent they are. I know my mom sometimes feels guilt over the "version" of herself she feels she's been since Ty's passing, but she is my biggest support and my greatest role model. She takes the most loving care of my daughter daily so I can work, while my dad works side-by-side with me in the studio every day. They both do absolutely everything in their power to help me achieve my dreams.

To speak of my life, my business, or my healing without speaking deeply of my brother, Ty, would be to leave out the very heartbeat of my story.

Every new age I reach is another year I live that he never got to experience. When I turned 28, the age my brother never got to, I made a quiet but fiercely determined promise to live a life big enough for the two of us. If I am completely honest, it wasn't until this year, standing here at 31, that I finally feel like I am truly doing it. I finally feel like I am living out that promise, and I know, deep in my soul, that he would be so incredibly proud.

My entire existence is influenced and guided through his spirit. Even this year, through the darkness, I felt him actively putting me on paths and in places I desperately needed to be. He has even guided me to cross paths with people he once crossed paths with. He is still writing this story with me, every single day.

They say your thirties are your best.

At 30, I was fighting for my life.

At 31, I really proved that.

I celebrate him, and I celebrate me!

Thirty WON. New friends. Lifelong friends. A new me. Incredible growth. Family success. Business success. Love, light, and so much happiness.

Here’s to this beautiful, hard-fought chapter. 🤍